:rolle yes

[Biggy]

Originally Posted by Mark

:rolle yes

That's exactly how I reacted to the joke.

[Dipak]

Originally Posted by Mark

:rolle yes

More funny than the joke.

[Themer]

As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.

"That's typical," I thought. "The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a nutcase."

[icyman]

A teenager meets a hijra [eunuch] in a red-light area

Teen- Are you a prostitute
Hijra - No dear, I am a substitute

--------------------------------------

A very tall building catches a fire. A blonde is caught in the same on the 10th floor of the building. In the meanwhile, the onlookers call up the Fire Dept. and immediately a fire engine is sent to the location.

A fireman goes up to the 10th floor.

Standing next to the blonde, the fireman says, " You know, you are the second pregnant blonde that I have rescues today".
Blonde shoots back- "But, I am not pregnant"
Fireman - "Yeah, but I haven't rescued you as yet"

-------------------------------------

[Themer]

"I made a new discovery at work today," I said to my wife with a chuckle.

"You've worked at Land Rover for a week, and that joke's already wearing thin," she groaned.

[Zhuorb]

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

[Keep reading, it gets better.]

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.

I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious!

Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

[BlitzBerg]

[ste_mc_efc]

Despite injury problems over the last 6 months North Korean Bookmakers still have Kim Jong Il down as a slight favourite for The Masters

apparently people still joust

[Varun]

Originally Posted by ste_mc_efc

Despite injury problems over the last 6 months North Korean Bookmakers still have Kim Jong Il down as a slight favourite for The Masters

Well, he is still with us North Koreans - and will be - and that's just about enough for him to keep winning the golf championships for at least a decade.

[yashdude101]

Hieght of MISUNDERSTANDING:
-
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."



The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"

"Yes... speaking"

Reliance guy,"You're a month overdue, you know!"



"How do YOU know?"stammers the young woman.



"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!"says the Reliance guy.



"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"



"Yes ............ . We have a system of finding out who's overdue"



"GOD!!!!!!... ........ This is too much........ .."



"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"



"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... He will speak to your company tomorrow"



That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.



"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?"the husband shouts.



"Just calm down,"says the lady at the reception at Reliance,"it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"



"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."



"And what would my wife do then?"the husband asks.



"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

[ste_mc_efc]

Just want to say i came up with that north korea joke all by myself. i'm quite pleased.

not offensive enough

[Manly]

Originally Posted by ste_mc_efc

Just want to say i came up with that north korea joke all by myself. i'm quite pleased.

Just nabbed it for Facebook.